My split from the masses occurred at age 15 when I had been rejected by a woman I hardly knew.  A profound split occurred in me that day when I realized that the knowledge base I had was woefully insufficient to cope with the reality I was living in.  The image of woman drew me from my conscious standpoint into an admission that critical parts of my awareness were missing.  Where could I find this awareness?  I had a reasonably good command of the rational scientific universe, but I mistook that understanding for sufficiency in terms of knowledge of how to live my life.  My life is unlike the lives of those around me.  I can’t just act like them and hope to succeed.  The difference are too great.  The best a scientific understanding of the universe can give you is a generic way in which a human might live.  I realized with horror that I would not fit into my idea of how a generic person was supposed to live.  In physics, all particles are defined not by what makes them different, but by what makes them the same.  As an individual human being, however, I am unlike any other.  As social animals, human beings strive to avoid being different.  The costs of ostracization are enormous.  We simply don’t want to be the ugly duckling, or the ones left behind.  Thus we fall victim to theorists who classify us as particles because we don’t want to be alone with only our own soul for companionship.  We accept the theories which say we are the same, and comparisons to physical forces provide the metaphors for our times.

I only open up the can of worms here.  I comment more later, if my individuality wants me to.  I never know with my individuality.


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