I’m thinking of reviving my blog, so to say. My favorite thing right now is my show Unlicensed Psychology. I would like to put most of my energy into that, but I guess having both a blog and that is good for diversity. Speaking of diversity, I’d also like to have a band. Making music is fun, but I don’t have other people yet who are on the same page as I am.
So far, this blog is not particularly focused. The main message is that I, Zach, exist as some kind of cosmic spiritual entity, and that writing poorly edited posts is the only way I currently have of translating my existence into something accessible. With the new show this must change. My blog must become my “literary” self… whatever that is!
A new factor I’ve mentioned is that I have pulled myself off of Social Security Disability for mental illness. Now, instead of the writings being completely random, I won’t help but try to imagine how they could possibly become income as well. I have finally decided to confront the fact that I must live materially in this world. Of course, I have already survived 36 years without being forced to confront the issue head-on. I didn’t at first find any career paths I thought I would enjoy. Therefore I took the option of being on disability when it appeared, because it felt like an ally where I had none.
But my whole quest has always been to be a complete person in the world. I don’t think anybody would think I’m insane now. What I really want are companions. For my whole adult life I have struggled to find others with whom I have more than perhaps one or two things in common, and I have not adjusted well to this situation. It’s why most of my real accomplishments in life are invisible to the casual observer. All of my energy has been put into accepting myself for who I am, which has left me no track record in the “real world”. It’s quite possible, now that I think about it, that the next step in my life is to humble myself to the level of the working class person who thinks a job is “a job” as opposed to a job is “a means of self-expression”.